Two years, two months, and a day have passed since I last held Owen. A million things have changed: a new house, a new baby, Ellie is in Kindergarten, my hair was long, and then short, and then long with bangs, blond and now brown. But one thing remains the same, I miss Owen.
In the days following his death, December 17, 2015 quickly became a benchmark in my mind's calendar. How will I feel when this day arrives, I would often wonder? The answer: I feel sad. I miss him and my time with him was too short. Today is the day where I have now lived longer without Owen than I did with him. In the blink of an eye, his life has been eclipsed. It feels as though his time here was fleeting and temporary.
The grief of losing a child is profound. It is something I carry with me at all times. Each memory I create with Ellie and Maisy, a piece of me wishes Owen were part of it as well. I think I will always feel this way- a huge portion of our family is missing. There is no filling that gap. My sadness is no longer simmering at the surface of my being; I can talk about Owen without crying. I have sorted my memories to bring up the wonderful and quell the sad and painful. I can still recall the sound of his voice, the softness of his curls, and the angles of his body. I have people in my life who miss him like I do. I have Ellie, who never misses an opportunity to include her brother in her conversations, her artwork, and even her Christmas wish list. Two years, two months, and a day later, Owen lives on in our family.
We are working hard to keep Owen in the forefront of our daily life. His stocking hangs next to his sisters' on our mantel. We share our memories of him in our house freely. We compare Maisy to him, just as we compared Owen to Ellie in babyhood. On a bigger scale, we helped create Owen's Play Place. Our latest venture in creating a lasting imprint of Owen's life in our world is through book donations at our local library.
This idea came to me last summer as I pondered how to celebrate Owen's fourth birthday at the end of August. We have always made a charitable donation to a large organization related to his medical journey. I was searching for something closer to home; something that would feel more inclusive to Ellie and Maisy. After a conversation with the children's librarian in our town, we established the Owen Marshall Memorial Fund. By donating in his name, the money will be used to purchase books for the library. Inside the book, a label will be placed saying the book was donated in the memory of Owen Marshall. Pretty awesome! I cannot wait until we discover our first book at the library with Owen's sticker!
Whether at Christmas, his birthday, or anytime it feels like something you would like to do, please consider donating to his fund. It is a simple way to keep Owen close to our hearts and also help out a local institution. Make checks payable to Georgetown Peabody Library and have a note saying it is for the memorial fund for Owen Marshall (child).
Cathy DeWitt
Children's Librarian
Georgetown Peabody Library
2 Maple Street
Georgetown, MA 01833
We miss our funny little red-head. If you are reading this blog, you most likely knew Owen- be sure to think about him often. Tell your favorite story about him to someone today. His time with us may have been short, but he has left us a lifetime of memories.
