Let Me Tell You a Story....

Let me tell you a story of an adorable little boy who loves to keep his mommy on her toes. One day last week, Owen decided to spend his afternoon in one of his "hold me and never put me down" moods.  Owen always wins these battles and I held him while entertaining a two year old.  Exhausting is a word that comes to mind.

I eventually came to a task that required two hands and with a stern talking to, I plopped Owen into his nap nanny for a minute.  I assured him it would only be a minute and that I would be right back.  In a weak effort to entertain him, I placed Ellie's baby doll on his lap for him to explore.  Off I went- and I did just as I said- and returned in a minute or so.  My little guy was very busy while I was gone.

Due to Owen's limited or lack of vision (we will know more concretely in October after his vision exams), we always provide him with tactile things to explore when he is on his own.  With the help of his teacher, Rose, we made a toy bar out of PVC pipe which can straddle his nap nanny and we can hook toys to it.  When not in use, I put the bar behind the bed up by his head.

While I was off completing my task, Owen reached above his head and yanked his toy bar forward so that he could play with it.  For me, this was an amazing moment.  Owen demonstrated purposeful movement- he wanted his toys and was able to coordinate his arms and hands to get what he wanted. Go Owen!  Here is a picture I took of my little turkey with his toys:

In moving on news... we have taken apart Owen's crib.  Ellie was just six months old when I got pregnant with Owen.  We quickly realized we would need a second crib because Ellie was going to be too young to be in a bed when baby #2 arrived.  We moved Ellie across the hall and decorated her room in little girl colors, owls, and butterflies.  It was so much fun. We did not find out the gender of Ellie or Owen before they were born, so we had a very cute, gender neutral nursery awaiting our  new baby.  In his first year of life, Owen has spent no more than a total of an hour in his crib- not consecutive.

Owen currently sleeps on a beanbag his OT has loaned our family.  Or in our arms.  There are so many little things that fill me with sadness about what I am missing out on with Owen.  I stress the "I" because this is about me, not Owen.  Owen is living a great life in his world right now.  He seems very content and peaceful.  I love every little piece of him and as long as he is happy then that is the best I can hope for. 

Not a day goes by that I am not reminded of what we aren't doing with Owen.  Whether it is friends, co-workers, or strangers on the street, I am reminded daily of the milestones we aren't hitting.  There are no moments of watching Owen sit up,  roll over, slurp baby food off of a spoon, pull himself up on his feet, belly laughs when we make faces at him, babbles, or peaceful sleeping in his crib.  It is a heartbreaking journey for a mother.  

The crib is going into storage.  Along with lots of baby clothes.  I just can't give up hope that maybe someday Ellie and Owen will get to have another little sibling to play with.  I think Owen would make a great big brother and Ellie has already proven her merits as a big sister.  Maybe we will figure Owen out and have another baby, maybe we will adopt, or maybe there will never be more children.  I guess I am just not ready to give up the dream.  In the meantime, Owen has won again...the crib is gone and in its place is a beanbag with a snazzy dinosaur blanket.